I was looking at my blog the other day and realised that one of the things I wrote my blog was about was being a teenager. I realised that this needs to be changed soon, I'll be 20 in October and past the point where I can chat about what it feels like to be a teenager . To some extent, I feel I am already past this point, I have left school, am legally an adult, can drive and live alone for the majority of the time .
When I began blogging, I think I was 13 . I began this blog in 2015 but prior to it, I had another, the name of which I cannot remember and any trace of which is loooong gone .
So, as I leave my teenage years, I thought I would reflect back on what is nearly a decade, in the hope that a 13 year old somewhere will read this and at least take something away from it, no matter how small .
Without further ado, here is a list of things I would tell my 13 year old self .
1. stop obsessing about your weight
You've been conscious of your weight from a very early age . You still think about the time when, aged 7, a girl came up to you and called you fat. Incidents such as this still happen aged 13 but usually more discreetly . Even today I still feel very self conscious even though I now have a much lower BMI and am a healthy weight . So yes, you are a little chubby as a young teen. When you get to around 15 you'll start to exercise more and keep an eye on how you eat . People will compliment how much weight you lose and it will feel great . But you won't be doing it for the right reasons . You'll do it because you want to look like the girls on magazines, which is ultimately completely unrealistic . It will take you a good few years until you develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise, wanting to be healthy rather than what society thinks is beautiful. Some days will still be hard but with the right people around you, you'll gradually begin to stop criticising everything about yourself . PS, the reason you think your legs are fat is mostly because they're short . Buy some high waisted jeans .
2. don't listen to the mean girls
Girls can be bitches . This year, you'll have to deal with some pretty horrible incidents of bitchiness . Honestly, some of them will still be bitches when they're 20 . Most of them will leave school at 16 but really, you'll have to deal with people being funny your whole life . Don't give in to it . You aren't like them and don't need to be. You'll learn to be nice to everyone because even if they aren't nice back, not retaliating is the best revenge - it shows that you are confident in your own personality . These people have completely skewed priorities . Some of them will realise this when they get older, some of them won't . Either way, it's not your problem and by the time you get to uni, people have bigger problems .
3. friendship groups
Speaking of the above . Right now you feel like you don't have any close friends and it's a bit shit . Soon you'll find a group that you think you fit in to but really some of the people in that group will say some hurtful things . It's okay to stand up for yourself and the people you're friends now with won't necessarily be your friends forever (although some will so hang on to those). That's ok. You'll learn that you put yourself down enough that you should use the criticisms from others to drive you rather than let them get to you . When you get to Sixth Form, things will eventually look up and you'll finally have a non-bitchy, stable group of lovely lovely people around you and when you get to uni, you'll meet even more lovely people .
4. people keep dismissing how you're feeling but one day it will be recognised
School know about the panic attacks but you feel like a burden and they keep saying there isn't much they can do . The GP isn't any help either . It will take until you get to uni for you to find a good counselling service and GP that take you seriously and recognise there is a problem, making you feel a sense of relief that you won't feel like this forever and you aren't 'just stressed' . Keep on going, you'll make it through .
5. it's okay to ask for help
On this note and in a broader sense, you aren't any weaker in asking for help, in fact it takes courage and makes you better . You're so worried of asking teachers for a hand because you think you'll be seen as stupid . You'll learn in the Sixth Form that asking questions actually makes things better and will ask your uni tutors some really random questions to help you to understand things . It's ok, that's what teachers are there for . It's also fine to ask for an extension on your homework when things build up and it's better for your mental health to do this . Do it earlier than the age of 18 when you feel like everything is falling apart . In addition to this, remember that you know there are people in school you can talk to if you need to, you'll cry to your English teacher a good few times between now and Year 13 and that's an important thing to do .
6. you're a bit of a nerd . Embrace it .
It's cool that you like reading and don't like going out drinking . When you get to uni, nobody will think you're uncool for deciding to get an early night or not wanting to get absolutely hammered . This acceptance is the best feeling in the world . You spend so much time at the age of 13 trying to cover yourself in makeup and buying Hollister clothes because some girls said you would be 'quite pretty' if you did this and one of the boys said you didn't act like a normal teenager . Embrace that . It's what makes you different and different is good .
7. don't worry about popularity
You want to be popular . But realistically, at this age, popular just means that people want to be associated with you so you don't bitch about them . Be popular in the way that means people know who you are because you work a lot in the school and community to make a difference . People give you a lot of stick when you first started writing for your local magazine when you were 12 but it brings you so many opportunities and the ability to make a difference . Have opinions . Continue to shut down people when they say homophobic, racist and sexist things, even if it makes you 'uncool' . Discrimination isn't cool, stand up for what you believe in. Popularity means nothing when you walk in to your first day of uni and nobody knows anybody . And (spoiler) you get voted prom queen in Year 12, so I guess more people like you than you think .
8. driving
You're already stressed about learning to drive 4 years before you begin . Honestly, calm down, there are bigger fish to fry . You pass your test first time and are a good driver . Sure, a drunk driver hitting you and writing off your first car makes you a bit shaky but why the hell are you worrying about this aged 13???
9. people do die sometimes
There hasn't been any death in the family for a while . Sadly, people do pass away. Some you see coming, others you really don't . There's nothing I can say except continue to love and cherish your friends and family . Don't take anyone for granted .
10. stop thinking nobody will ever like you for you
You end up with someone pretty damn great when you're 18 and he even likes the things about you that you hate . Turns out you're at school together already (mysterious)...
11. Harper Lee
'To Kill a Mockingbird' is already your favourite book . BUT 'Go Set a Watchman' comes out in 2015 and it's possibly even better... Keep reading everything you can get your hands on, you love it so much you take both English Language and English Literature at A Level .
12. you're seen as Northern by most people, embrace it and don't worry about your accent
You're going through a period where you're really conscious about how you speak, even though your accent isn't very strong and even if it was, it wouldn't matter . When you get to uni, everyone will deem you to be Northern and you should embrace it!! It makes you different and helps you to connect with the students you work with in access programmes because if your accent can make it to Oxford, so can their's!!
13. stop putting yourself down . You are smarter than you let yourself believe .
You put all of your good test marks down to chance, thinking everyone is secretly better than you . You stress about exams and revise so hard that ultimately you burn out doing your A Levels . This last message is really for 13 year old me and present me . You make it to Oxford . A place you never even considered applying to because you thought that nobody like you was there/ you weren't good enough/ it was big-headed to apply . But here I am, a Law student at Worcester College . You can do this . You don't believe in yourself right now but others do. And I hope in 10 years time, 30 year old me will write the same thing to 20 year old me .
All my love,
19 year old Elle
When I began blogging, I think I was 13 . I began this blog in 2015 but prior to it, I had another, the name of which I cannot remember and any trace of which is loooong gone .
So, as I leave my teenage years, I thought I would reflect back on what is nearly a decade, in the hope that a 13 year old somewhere will read this and at least take something away from it, no matter how small .
Without further ado, here is a list of things I would tell my 13 year old self .
1. stop obsessing about your weight
You've been conscious of your weight from a very early age . You still think about the time when, aged 7, a girl came up to you and called you fat. Incidents such as this still happen aged 13 but usually more discreetly . Even today I still feel very self conscious even though I now have a much lower BMI and am a healthy weight . So yes, you are a little chubby as a young teen. When you get to around 15 you'll start to exercise more and keep an eye on how you eat . People will compliment how much weight you lose and it will feel great . But you won't be doing it for the right reasons . You'll do it because you want to look like the girls on magazines, which is ultimately completely unrealistic . It will take you a good few years until you develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise, wanting to be healthy rather than what society thinks is beautiful. Some days will still be hard but with the right people around you, you'll gradually begin to stop criticising everything about yourself . PS, the reason you think your legs are fat is mostly because they're short . Buy some high waisted jeans .
2. don't listen to the mean girls
Girls can be bitches . This year, you'll have to deal with some pretty horrible incidents of bitchiness . Honestly, some of them will still be bitches when they're 20 . Most of them will leave school at 16 but really, you'll have to deal with people being funny your whole life . Don't give in to it . You aren't like them and don't need to be. You'll learn to be nice to everyone because even if they aren't nice back, not retaliating is the best revenge - it shows that you are confident in your own personality . These people have completely skewed priorities . Some of them will realise this when they get older, some of them won't . Either way, it's not your problem and by the time you get to uni, people have bigger problems .
3. friendship groups
Speaking of the above . Right now you feel like you don't have any close friends and it's a bit shit . Soon you'll find a group that you think you fit in to but really some of the people in that group will say some hurtful things . It's okay to stand up for yourself and the people you're friends now with won't necessarily be your friends forever (although some will so hang on to those). That's ok. You'll learn that you put yourself down enough that you should use the criticisms from others to drive you rather than let them get to you . When you get to Sixth Form, things will eventually look up and you'll finally have a non-bitchy, stable group of lovely lovely people around you and when you get to uni, you'll meet even more lovely people .
4. people keep dismissing how you're feeling but one day it will be recognised
School know about the panic attacks but you feel like a burden and they keep saying there isn't much they can do . The GP isn't any help either . It will take until you get to uni for you to find a good counselling service and GP that take you seriously and recognise there is a problem, making you feel a sense of relief that you won't feel like this forever and you aren't 'just stressed' . Keep on going, you'll make it through .
5. it's okay to ask for help
On this note and in a broader sense, you aren't any weaker in asking for help, in fact it takes courage and makes you better . You're so worried of asking teachers for a hand because you think you'll be seen as stupid . You'll learn in the Sixth Form that asking questions actually makes things better and will ask your uni tutors some really random questions to help you to understand things . It's ok, that's what teachers are there for . It's also fine to ask for an extension on your homework when things build up and it's better for your mental health to do this . Do it earlier than the age of 18 when you feel like everything is falling apart . In addition to this, remember that you know there are people in school you can talk to if you need to, you'll cry to your English teacher a good few times between now and Year 13 and that's an important thing to do .
6. you're a bit of a nerd . Embrace it .
It's cool that you like reading and don't like going out drinking . When you get to uni, nobody will think you're uncool for deciding to get an early night or not wanting to get absolutely hammered . This acceptance is the best feeling in the world . You spend so much time at the age of 13 trying to cover yourself in makeup and buying Hollister clothes because some girls said you would be 'quite pretty' if you did this and one of the boys said you didn't act like a normal teenager . Embrace that . It's what makes you different and different is good .
7. don't worry about popularity
You want to be popular . But realistically, at this age, popular just means that people want to be associated with you so you don't bitch about them . Be popular in the way that means people know who you are because you work a lot in the school and community to make a difference . People give you a lot of stick when you first started writing for your local magazine when you were 12 but it brings you so many opportunities and the ability to make a difference . Have opinions . Continue to shut down people when they say homophobic, racist and sexist things, even if it makes you 'uncool' . Discrimination isn't cool, stand up for what you believe in. Popularity means nothing when you walk in to your first day of uni and nobody knows anybody . And (spoiler) you get voted prom queen in Year 12, so I guess more people like you than you think .
8. driving
You're already stressed about learning to drive 4 years before you begin . Honestly, calm down, there are bigger fish to fry . You pass your test first time and are a good driver . Sure, a drunk driver hitting you and writing off your first car makes you a bit shaky but why the hell are you worrying about this aged 13???
9. people do die sometimes
There hasn't been any death in the family for a while . Sadly, people do pass away. Some you see coming, others you really don't . There's nothing I can say except continue to love and cherish your friends and family . Don't take anyone for granted .
10. stop thinking nobody will ever like you for you
You end up with someone pretty damn great when you're 18 and he even likes the things about you that you hate . Turns out you're at school together already (mysterious)...
11. Harper Lee
'To Kill a Mockingbird' is already your favourite book . BUT 'Go Set a Watchman' comes out in 2015 and it's possibly even better... Keep reading everything you can get your hands on, you love it so much you take both English Language and English Literature at A Level .
12. you're seen as Northern by most people, embrace it and don't worry about your accent
You're going through a period where you're really conscious about how you speak, even though your accent isn't very strong and even if it was, it wouldn't matter . When you get to uni, everyone will deem you to be Northern and you should embrace it!! It makes you different and helps you to connect with the students you work with in access programmes because if your accent can make it to Oxford, so can their's!!
13. stop putting yourself down . You are smarter than you let yourself believe .
You put all of your good test marks down to chance, thinking everyone is secretly better than you . You stress about exams and revise so hard that ultimately you burn out doing your A Levels . This last message is really for 13 year old me and present me . You make it to Oxford . A place you never even considered applying to because you thought that nobody like you was there/ you weren't good enough/ it was big-headed to apply . But here I am, a Law student at Worcester College . You can do this . You don't believe in yourself right now but others do. And I hope in 10 years time, 30 year old me will write the same thing to 20 year old me .
All my love,
19 year old Elle
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